Betrayed Partners of Sex Addicts & Porn Addicts
Welcome. If you have discovered that your partner has a sex/porn addiction or has engaged in compulsive sexual behaviors, your world has likely been shattered. You may be feeling shock, confusion, rage, and profound sadness, questioning your reality and your own sanity. You are not "co-dependent" or "co-addicted"; you are a normal person experiencing a traumatic response to profound relational betrayal.
As the partner’s of sex/porn addict you might have had a “sixth sense” for a long time that something was wrong, but may not have found proof until recently to understand the nature and scope of the problem. Frequently people find us when the house of cards built by the sex/porn addict has come crashing down. Painful discoveries exist in an array of cascading circumstances for the sex addict: being arrested, being “outed” by an affair partner, the spouse coming across an undeleted browsing history, photos of sexting unintentionally shared across devices — whatever the situation partners are devastated by the betrayal.
To compound insult to injury, the initial discovery is frequently followed by the further trauma of “staggered disclosure,” whereby the sex/porn addict reveal to their spouse only those details which are pertinent to the latest piece of evidence found by the spouse after their detective work.
Meet the Team of Specialists that work with Betrayed Partners
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Melissa McAuley, LSW, CSAT-Candidate, EMDR Trained, APSATS Multidimensional Partners Treatment Model (MPTM) Trained
As a trained APSATS Partner Trauma Specialist, Melissa’s role is to help you navigate the traumatic effects of this betrayal on your road to recovery, growth, and healing. Her approach is direct yet empathetic, action-oriented yet grounded, strength-based and non-shaming, and, most importantly, founded on the understand of the profound traumatic abuse that betrayed partners experience.
Melissa works from the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) developed by the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). This model views you, the partner, as someone who has experienced significant wounding and trauma as a result of events completely out of your control. This is not your fault! Reach out for help now.
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Alan Moreland, LMFT, CSAT-Supervisor, CMAT-Financial Disorders & Tech Addiction, EMDR Certified, & ERCEM Trained
As a Marriage & Family Therapist, Alan worked for years with many sex/porn addicts, betrayed partners, and couples struggling with these and related issues. But he knew something was missing, but did not know what until his friend helped co-write with Carol Juergensen Sheets the book, “Help.Her.Heal.”
Upon reading and applying the principles of this book, his perspective shifted profoundly. So much so that in the Fall 2023, Alan and several other staff members completed the ERCEM (Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model) developed by Carol Juergensen Sheets.
The ERCEM training provided a clear, step-by-step roadmap for fostering safety in the relationship, empathy-building, radical ownership, and truth-telling within the relationship, even and especially in the early stages of recovery. Alan realized that the traditional methods he had been using often left couples stuck in cycles of anger and disconnection, unable to bridge the empathy gap, allow the betrayed partner to feel safe, and to connect.
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Leslie "Les" Perrera, AMFT, EMDR & ERCEM Trained
Per his CSAT training, Les’ role is to help you navigate the traumatic effects of this betrayal on your road to recovery, growth, and healing. His approach is direct yet empathetic, action-oriented yet grounded, strength-based and non-shaming, and, most importantly, founded on the understand of the profound traumatic abuse that betrayed partners experience.
