Blended Family Formula
By Shelby Valladares, MFT Intern, Life Balance Counseling Peoria
Being in a blended family can, at times, feel so lonely. This could be due to blended families feeling social pressures to follow the same rules as a nuclear family, but not fitting into that format. A square peg trying to go through a round hole. In blended families, each member and family dynamic will have its own challenges and struggles. Trying to solve these challenges like a nuclear family sets the blended family up for failure.
Blended Family Relationship Triangles
Unlike nuclear families, blended families consist of several triangles or groups of people, in and out of the household, with a lack of clarity on roles. Biological and stepparents may struggle with parenting roles and expectations. Children are grieving the loss of their original family while trying to decode the family structure of two households.
The image above shows a simplified example of a blended family, 1 child between two coupled households. However, each family develops differently and at different stages. Blended families can form with multiple children at various ages, and new partners can have children they are bringing into the family, creating 3 households connected. Partnerships can happen around the same time, or in different phases of the family. New additions, the birth of a child, could occur with either or all families. All these factors create events where parenting agreements, households, and family structure must be reconstructed. This is in addition to natural stages of change all family types experience, such as progression through child development, that calls for family restructure.
Tips for Blended Families
Establish Expectations Early Within the New Partnership
Couples who have conversations about the expectations of roles within the blended family early on are more likely to report a higher level of marital satisfaction in the long run. When possible, it is beneficial for all parental parties to be involved, as well as renegotiating as the family changes.
Maintain Open and Honest Communication
Open and honest communication between all family members creates a safe environment. Establishing family meetings provides space for communication where all are on equal footing.
Be Flexible
Every change within the family dynamics of all households creates a ripple through all households. Being honest with what works for the family and what is causing conflict gives the family space and opportunity to come together to create change for the benefit.
Be Understanding and Patient
Blending families takes time. Relationships must develop naturally and may have many hurdles throughout their course.
Focus on Togetherness
Establish family game nights, family movie nights, or family dinners. Create a mixture of family traditions, bring in old traditions along with new.
Be Strong
Blending families is not easy for any member within the family. There will be times that feel like nothing is working. Be strong and don't give up.
Asking for Help
A therapist can help families recognize their own strengths to add stability within their home. Book an appointment with me!
Life Balance Counseling Peoria, PLLC is located at 7625 N. University St. Suite B1, in Peoria. You can contact them at 309-676-0538 or visit www.lifebalancecounselingpeoria.com.
FAMILY ACTIVITY
Family portraits
Supplies: Blank paper, crayons, color pencils, or markers.
Object: Allow time for each family member to draw a portrait of how they see their family. Give each member creative space to be as open and honest as possible. Try not to limit their perspective to just one household if they live between two.
Share and discuss each portrait, specifically who was involved, how the members were grouped, what colors were used, or anything else that stands out. This discussion could lead to a deeper insight of how each member feels connected within their dynamic and what areas they may need more attention. Share how portraits may differ or be similar to one another to create or deepen connections within the family. Most importantly, don't take it too seriously and have fun. Even if the family gets lost in creating and coloring together, it will have a positive impact.
References
Baxter, L. A., Braithwaite, D. O., & Nicholson, J. H. (1999). Turning points in the development of blended families. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16(3), 291–314. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407599163002
Dinkin, K. (2023). Building stronger bonds: 22 fun and effective family therapy activities. Teaching Expertise.https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/family-therapy-activity/
Fox, C. (2022). Blending Families: What Couples Should Know and Consider. Journal of Family Research and Practice, 2(1), 119–134. https://www.nadfamily.org/Ze1Cnv/uploads/2022/05/Journal-of-Family-Research-and-Practice-2022.pdf?page=120
Kumer, K. (2017). The blended family life cycle. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(2), 110–125. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2016.1268019