The Strength Behind Asking for Help

Mental Health Lessons for Veterans and First Responders

By Thomas "Rick" Radford, MSW, LSW
Therapist at Life Balance Counseling Peoria

I spent 21 and a half years on active duty in the United States Army. The Army taught me to stay focused when I was tired, solve problems with limited information, and keep moving when the situation was uncomfortable. It also taught me that the people beside me were depending on me. Those lessons shaped me, and I remain proud of them.

After retirement, I began to understand that some of the habits that help a person function in uniform do not always translate neatly to life at home. Pushing through pain may get someone through the day, but it may not help that person sleep, communicate with a spouse, or understand why anger appears in a room where no danger exists. Compartmentalizing can be useful during a mission. When every difficult experience stays locked away, however, the strain can eventually show up in other parts of life.

My experience is rooted in the Army, but I see similar patterns in police officers and other first responders. Their duties and cultures are not identical, yet these professions often require people to stay composed, make decisions under pressure, witness suffering, and set aside their reactions until the immediate need has passed. That expectation can make it harder to notice when stress follows someone home.

The Version of Strength Many of Us Learned

Military service and public safety work often teach people to place the mission or immediate need first. We learn to control our reactions, complete the task, and deal with personal concerns later. In difficult circumstances, that mindset can protect lives. The problem comes when later never arrives.

Stress does not always announce itself as a crisis. It may look like poor sleep, a shorter temper, constant alertness, or pulling away from family and friends. Some people stay busy because quiet gives their thoughts room to return. Others rely more heavily on alcohol, nicotine, cannabis, food, gambling, or work to shut things down for a while. A single symptom does not tell the whole story, but a lasting pattern deserves attention, especially when it begins affecting health, relationships, or daily responsibilities.

For many veterans, police officers, and first responders, asking for help can feel unfamiliar or even like admitting defeat. We are accustomed to being the person others count on. Being dependable, however, does not require pretending that nothing affects us.

Strength Also Requires Judgment

Audie Murphy, the most decorated American combat Soldier of World War II, once admitted, "I was scared before every battle." After returning home, Murphy struggled with what we now recognize as post-traumatic stress. His experience reminds me that a person can be exceptionally brave and still carry wounds that others cannot see.

For service members, veterans, police officers, and first responders, seeking help can feel like weakness. Dare I say it, asking for help can be scary. These professions teach us to move toward danger and maintain control. Admitting that we are not doing as well as we appear may feel harder than situations we were trained to face.

Fear does not cancel courage. Courage may be making the call, walking into a therapist's office, speaking honestly with family, or telling someone we trust, "I am not doing as well as I look." Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is allow someone else to stand beside us.

Endurance matters, but it is not the only form of strength. Good judgment also means recognizing when the current approach is no longer working. During my military career, we did not wait for a vehicle or piece of equipment to fail during a mission before taking maintenance seriously. We inspected it, addressed problems early, and asked people with the right training to help. Mental health deserves the same attention.

Seeking help does not erase discipline, courage, or personal responsibility. In many cases, it is an expression of those values. When someone addresses a problem before it costs a marriage, damages a career, or leads to a crisis, that person is taking responsibility for what happens next.

Asking for Help Can Start Small

The first step does not have to involve telling a stranger every detail of your life. It may begin with an honest conversation with a spouse, trusted friend, chaplain, primary care provider, fellow veteran, or trusted peer. It can mean admitting that sleep has changed, anger is getting harder to control, or the ways used to cope are creating new problems.

For someone considering counseling, a consultation can be a reasonable place to start. Ask the therapist about experience working with veterans or first responders, how sessions are structured, and how treatment goals are developed. A therapist does not need to share the same military or public safety background, but the therapist should respect those cultures, listen without judgment, and understand that trust may take time.

It is also reasonable to look for an approach that fits the individual. Some people want practical tools and clear goals. Others first need room to understand what they have been carrying. Faith, family, physical activity, peer support, and community involvement may also be important parts of recovery. Counseling can work alongside those supports rather than replacing them.

What Families Can Do

Family members often notice changes before the veteran or first responder is ready to discuss them. A spouse may see the sleepless nights, withdrawal, or irritability without knowing what is behind it. Specific observations usually open a better conversation than accusations. Saying, "I have noticed that you have not been sleeping and seem on edge lately" is more useful than saying, "You are not the person you used to be."

Support does not mean ignoring harmful behavior or accepting mistreatment. Compassion and accountability can exist together. Family members can express concern, maintain appropriate boundaries, and encourage professional support without taking responsibility for fixing everything themselves.

Taking Care of Those Who Serve

The Army taught me to take care of the people to my left and right. In my work as a therapist, I recognize that same commitment among police officers and other first responders. After the uniform comes off at the end of a shift or a career, the responsibility to care for others remains. The circle may include a spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and the person looking back in the mirror.

I carried the value of service with me when I became a social worker and therapist. I still believe in facing problems directly, taking responsibility, and doing the work required to move forward. Asking for help can be part of that work. It can help a person regain choices, repair relationships, and live according to the values that mattered long before counseling entered the conversation.

If you are struggling, you do not have to wait until the situation becomes an emergency. Start with one honest conversation. If you are concerned about your immediate safety or having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988. Veterans may call 988 and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line, or text 838255. If there is immediate danger, call 911.

About the Author

Thomas "Rick" Radford, MSW, LSW, is a therapist at Life Balance Counseling Peoria and a retired United States Army veteran with 21.5 years of active-duty service, including combat and humanitarian missions. He earned his MSW in Integrative Social Work and Military Populations from the University of Southern California. Rick works with veterans, first responders, and other adults experiencing trauma and mental health concerns.

Life Balance Counseling Peoria
7625 N University St., Peoria, IL 61614
309-296-0078
lifebalancecounselingpeoria.com

Originally published in Experience Health, October 2026.